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Let me tell you a story…
Storytelling is the most ancient of all teaching techniques. Embedding knowledge and empathy in narrative, its the way we make sense of our lives. And it’s not just through movies, books, plays and other fictions. Journalists often use anecdotes to kick off their factual stories and grab reader interest. Lawyers rely strongly on narrative techniques to persuade.
Storytelling can help us learn and master language. It can even help us heal. As Dr. Thomas K. Houston told the New York Times for an article on his research, “That natural tendency [to tell stories] may have the potential to alter behavior and improve health.” The magic of stories “lies in the relatedness they foster. Marketers have known this for a long time, which is why you see so many stories in advertisements.”
Whoever Tells the Stories Defines the Culture
That magic also lies at the heart of an important truth: Whoever tells the stories defines the culture. As Dr. David Walsh writes in Smart Parenting, Smarter Kids,
Humans pass stories down from one generation to the next to transmit values, cultural norms, a sense of right and wrong, and an appreciation of place and history. This isn’t new. It’s been true for thousands of years. What is new is that today’s storytellers are mass media. Some media take this art to new heights, while others specialize in dishing out heaping servings of violence, mayhem, and disrespect. A mountain of research shows that media influence our attitudes, values, and behaviors – for better and for worse.
This research shows, for example, that video games are excellent teachers. Games present clear objectives, individualized instruction, and continuous achievable challenges; they encourage active learning through practice and feedback loops, and take place in endless virtual worlds that reduce boredom. But video games teach wildly different lessons, with recent research showing that certain video games can teach pro-social behaviors to kids, including cooperation and empathy, while violent video games can also teach aggressive and violent behaviors. These findings reinforce the same message: video games are powerful teachers and storytellers, and whether they have a positive or negative impact on our kids’ health and development depends upon the games and how we use them. (emphasis added)
And as we discussed in an earlier post, this holds true for technology as a whole. Arguing whether it’s good or bad misses the point. As the world changes, every generation has to redefine how to care for children. For 21st century parents, this care includes paying attention to the role of digital media in their lives. Often, it seems a never ending balancing act of technology’s potential to connect, educate, entertain and enlighten against the opportunities it creates for threats such as cyberbullying, chronic distraction, obesity, sexual exploitation, inactivity and passivity, and – importantly – the eroding of family and personal relationships.
Kind of ironic, no – when so much of digital life these days is “social”? Yet it’s what the research shows. Again, Dr. Walsh:
More and more of us engage in digital communication at the expense of real-life social interaction. A Stanford University study found for every hour we spend on our computers, face-to-face interaction time drops by nearly thirty minutes. On a similar note, a recent poll from the Annenberg Foundation’s Digital Future Report found a forty percent increase in family members feeling ignored because of other family members’ Internet use.
Further, Walsh notes, between 2006 and 2008, shared family time fell 30% to just 18 hours a month. For teens, time spent in face-to-face communication with peers plummeted, as well.
Unfortunately, trends like these mean young people talk to each other less and their brains are not wiring networks for communication skills, empathetic listening, and the ability to interpret and respond to non-verbal cues.
* * *
We aren’t born knowing exactly how to make a newcomer feel more comfortable or navigate social conflicts; we train ourselves to do this through years of face-to-face social interactions.
Compounding this, as research psychologist and computer educator Larry Rosen argues in his new book iDisorder, technology today is “so user-friendly that the very use fosters our obsessions, dependence and stress reactions.” Further, he notes, being hyperconnected can make us behave as though we have real psychological disorders, with people exhibiting symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, addiction, depression and other conditions.
But the operative word there is can. We only become subservient to technology when we allow it to rule. And although the demands and allure of digital life are powerful, there are steps we can take to teach children moderation, encourage balance and nurture wise and mindful media habits. Psychologist and author Dr. Doreen Dodgen-Magee offers these 10 tips:
- Set limits around electronic media: no more than two hours of screen time beyond homework and school requirements (per American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations); require kids to earn “digital rights;” healthy content (consider gender bias, violence and sexual content).
- Set rules and consequences around screen time before introducing new technologies into family life.
- Keep electronic screens out of kids’ bedrooms.
- Create “technology-free” meal times.
- Support schools’ cell phone policies.
- Keep up with technology developments to know what’s popular with kids.
- Teach children responsible “netiquette” and to not give out personal information online.
- Encourage digital literacy while guiding youth towards safe, age-appropriate media activities.
- Understand and pay attention to media ratings.
- Model appropriate behavior including the shows you watch, when you use your phone, etc.
Two parent resources that Doreen also recommends: Mobicip mobile filtering software and Common Sense Media for media reviews and other tools for family Internet use.
You can also learn more from Doreen herself at our Summer Intensive this June here in Portland, Oregon. We’re thrilled to be having her as a presenter on how technology is shaping children’s brains, relationships and sense of self. For more information on the Intensive, see the course description at yogacalm.org.
Images by Joint Base Lewis-McChord and Sharon Drummond, via Flickr
Springtime again! And who can resist the call of the sun, leafing trees, beautifully blooming flowers? Our response is deep-seated. Rooted in our genetics is a love for nature, for the beauty of natural settings.
It came early this year, too, with record high temperatures across the country. In Denver, in March, we walked about in shorts. I couldn’t help but think, If it’s 80 degrees now, what’s it going to be like come August?
Of course, most climate scientists admonish that global warming isn’t just about rising temperatures but unpredictability. Extremes are becoming the norm. Think about it: Historically, there have been about four disastrous weather events per year; in 2011, there were 12, each causing more than a billion dollars in damage. (Talk about a way to balloon budget deficits!)
Yet a recent poll on Americans’ policy priorities, environmental issues ranked at or near the bottom of the list.
What’s going on here?
Back in the 1990s, while doing environmental education work for the National Science Foundation, I discovered a challenging paradox: If you educate people about the seriousness of this issues without showing them how to help or at least have a sense of control, they either dissociate or go into denial. Lynea has observed this, too, in the classroom, with students often reporting generalized anxiety and fear after typical environmental ed. units on endangered animals and the loss of rainforests. There’s a sense of hopelessness.
Bryan Welch’s book Beautiful and Abundant encapsulates the problem powerfully:
Too many environmental commandments begin “Thou shalt not…” Our negativity has prevented our ideas from catching on. Conservation, as an ethic, is not particularly contagious. So even when we’ve been right, we have not inspired Action.
If we want to involve people in the process of forming a collective vision, we need a different approach.
We will not engage the great engines of human creativity with a vision of pure frugality.
We need to plan for beauty and abundance.
And what does this have to do with yoga? Plenty!
Love, Knowledge & Action
At its root, yoga is a wellness system. The goal? To develop a healthy body, mind and heart. To achieve this, yoga develops awareness of how your thoughts, emotions and actions affect your life. Guided by the process of self study, yoga students typically notice that yoga makes them feel better and learn how to change their actions to promote greater health. These same processes of observation, feedback and change apply to the study of the environment and the body as a metaphor for the “living” earth.
Love is a key motivating factor, stemming from children’s inherent fondness for – and appreciation of – the beauty of animals and the natural world. We need to get them outside more so they have opportunities to connect with nature, even if just in the form of street trees, city birds or bugs in a schoolyard playground.
As we nurture children’s innate attraction to the environment, they undoubtedly ask about how things work. Curiosity and observation – the heart of the scientific method – become the springboard to science, and thus to Knowledge. With this as the foundation, stewardship – taking care of what you love – is a natural outcome. Love and Knowledge manifest Action.
Yoga provides a route to this learning. From the concrete to the abstract, with young and old alike, yoga practices are often inquiry-based. They’re about asking questions, observing, developing curiosity and exploring how things work. They’re also a means of opening the senses, helping us calm down and develop concentration, focus. These skills are particularly important in field science, where, for example, we must be still to observe wildlife. Only then can we observe nature under “her” terms. We’re also more tuned in to the feedback of our actions in the natural world.
For at its most basic level, yoga is about studying “relationship” and creating “beauty.” It’s about how we relate with ourselves, each other and our environment to create more joy and happiness. From ecology to physics, realizing that everything is related is also the scientist’s first step in a lifelong quest to understand how and why things work the way they do – the mysteries of life.
Finally, healthy individuals contribute to healthy communities. Yoga philosophy encourages nonviolence, compassion and a reverence for the natural balance of the world. Done in the context of community and the natural world, yoga enhances both individual and community health.
This attitude and approach is embodied in our newest course, Love, Knowledge & Action: Inspiring Environmental Stewardship. Through exploring techniques of physical yoga, observation and reflection, social/emotional skills-building, storytelling and simple school and backyard explorations and science lessons, teachers, counselors and environmental educators will learn how to cultivate children’s innate curiosity and appreciation of their bodies, animal life and other aspects of their natural, daily environment.
In addition to cultivating this sense of stewardship, of course, getting kids outdoors and moving supports both their physical and mental health. National studies have also shown that using environmental ed. as an integrating concept – both experientially and cognitively – improves student learning in math, science, social studies and language arts.
But perhaps most important, is the simple recognition that our humanity is linked with nature – that the natural world is a miraculous gift and blessing that benefits us every day, not just April 22. For while the environmental problems we currently face are big, they’re not insoluble – not when we harness the full power of human imagination and community to create a positive vision for our future and act on our love for Earth, our home.
The course handbook for Love, Knowledge & Action and related lesson plans will soon be available online through our store. Want a sneak preview? Email us at info@yogacalm.org for an excerpt and sample lesson plan.
To register for the May 12-13 session of Love, Knowledge & Action, click here.
Images by stefg74, theloushe & Linda Cronin, via Flickr
Holidays stir up the imagination, especially for kids and especially around Halloween. Of course, that day is all about dressing up and pretending to be someone – or something – that you’re not.
The practice can be traced back to ancient pagan, Celtic, Roman and Catholic traditions that, over centuries, intertwined. It was broadly believed that the veil between the realms of the living and dead was thinnest at this time of year. Fearing spirits of the dead, people developed rituals to ward them off, including disguises to confuse or frighten the spirits away.
These days, of course, we see a lot more than people dressed as ghosts, ghouls, witches, monsters and other horrific Halloween creatures. While some kids do gravitate toward the scary and strange, others choose to dress up as their heroes, favorite characters (or villains!) or who they want to be when they grow up. They get to feel what it’s like to be someone they’re not and perhaps symbolically explore aspects of their own selves.
One Yoga Calm activity that can be especially fun and effective at this time of year – both tapping into and focusing what we’ve called “that wild Halloween energy” – is The Archetype Game. The use of archetypes can be especially beneficial in Yoga Calm practice, helping children to explore and integrate the various aspects of themselves in a safe and healthy way.
Archetypes, as you may know, are motifs or images that universally appear in stories and art. They represent different aspects of the self. The image of the warrior, the divine child, the orphan, the wise one – these are all archetypes that represent different aspects of the human experience.
Some Archetypes
- The Trickster = the sneaky self
- The Warrior = the fierce one
- Prince or Princess = connecting with our sense of pride & elegance
- Wise King or Queen = stepping into responsibility
- Monster = our scary self
- Angel = our kind and giving self
- The Content One = feeling satisfied with who we are & our personal gifts
- Kind & Friendly One = our social self
- Bear or the Hermit in the Cave = taking time to be alone
- Peaceful One = the quiet, contemplative self
- Clown = our silly self
- Courageous Explorer = facing adversity
Fairy tales and myths are powerful because they represent these and other fundamental but different parts of the personality and the struggles that occur when we encounter them in life. The stories teach us that the trickster can be both useful and dangerous, and that the path to becoming a warrior involves facing hardship. They are psychological teaching stories that guide and help integrate the varied parts of ourselves. We can relate to the young child who longs to prove her competence as a warrior, queen or brilliant musician. We have empathy for the fool who is trying his best and failing at every turn.
By using the archetypes in yoga, students can play with different parts of their personality. As they practice using their strength, it becomes more available to them in their daily lives, and they gain skill and understanding about the importance of strength in the human experience – just as by practicing the qualities of other archetypes, children can learn how to use the different parts of their personalities constructively. Such play can guide them toward a holistic understanding of the many roles we must play in order to have safe and successful lives.
How to Play the Archetype Game
- The children spread out around the room, each in a squatting position.
- Through a slow count to 4, each child pretends to grow into a statue that represents a specific archetype or character.
- With music playing, ask the kids to move the way their archetype or character would move.
- When you say “freeze,” all the children must stop moving and go back to squat position.
- Start over, with each student choosing a different archetype or character.
Ground Rules
- Students must give each other space when they go into squat position.
- No touching. No running. No talking.
- Any student who breaks the rules must sit out for one round before rejoining the game.
Try it with your own class, group or children – then use the comments to let us know how it goes!
Images by Nic Stage & vicki watkins, via Flickr
As we mentioned last time, the line between “normal” and behavior that signals ADHD can seem fuzzy at times.
ADHD is marked by a weakness in the ability to sustain, shift or divide attention, coupled with a biologically-based weakness in the ability to control impulses. One aspect or the other – hyperactivity or attention – may be more pronounced, but in any case, the behaviors must significantly affect learning and social relationships and must show up in several areas (e.g., home, school, sports). If it occurs only in the classroom, for instance, it may not be ADHD but a sign of teacher-student mismatch, learning disability or other issue.
Yet even signaling behaviors can be misread. Sleep deprivation, anxiety, stress, diet, neurological conditions or even inadvertently reinforced behavior can all contribute to ADHD-like behaviors. Consequently, they must be ruled out before a definite diagnosis can be made.
In fact, as Dr. Jeff Sosne discusses in our course ADHD: The Mind-Body Connection, our home and school environments can actually set the stage for behavior that looks like ADHD but isn’t.
For instance, consider the demands for attention made on children in overly structured lives. There’s increased academic pressure and heavy homework loads, even at the K-5 level. There may be afterschool obligations such as sports, music, tutoring, church and service groups, or lessons of some sort. While such activities may be pursued for personal pleasure or enrichment, they’re just as often used to sweeten a youth’s “resume” for later schooling.
The resulting stress easily leads to distracted or “wild” behavior, as children find it harder and harder to conform to such demands.
Much can be accomplished through making sure the child eats right, gets enough exercise and adequate sleep, and has opportunities for unstructured play. We see a big reduction of symptoms when these basic human needs are met – whether the child actually has ADHD or not. Children become more able to learn practices that can help them improve their ability to focus, pay attention and self-regulate. These, in turn, support ongoing healthy habits, for through them, kids are nurtured into mindfulness, including awareness of their bodies and what their bodies are telling them.
Courtesy of Dr. Sosne, here are 9 tips for nurturing those skills – useful for all children, but especially for those diagnosed with ADHD:
- Attitude is everything! Emphasize a positive, “Can Do” attitude and internal motivators (e.g., “This is a good time to clean your room.”).
- Make eye contact during activities. Practice not responding to a child until they make eye contact, too! Some good games for practicing this skill: Red Light/Green Light, Steal the Bacon, 20 Questions.
- March toward a goal. Talk out loud about the process so the child can later internalize it. Announce a goal and timeframe for every activity.
- Start with small goals – things the child can do in 15 minutes. Observe and reward small changes. Don’t give too much time for an “ADHD child” to complete a task.
- To teach that things change, occasionally stop activities at random and reward the child for handling it well.
- Focus on accomplishments. Have the child write a note on what he or she accomplished in school today.
- Acknowledge their agenda and pair it with a request from you – e.g., “While I am getting you a sandwich, could you pick up that wet towel?” Getting something they want does not in itself promote a sense of entitlement.
- Build habits and routine. Build skills, not consequences.
- Don’t put too much emphasis on the label “ADHD.” It stereotypes and only points to weaknesses, not strengths. Redefine. Instead of saying, “Robert is ADHD,” say “Robert loves baseball and does better when in the middle of the action (i.e., infield),” or, “Jillian has a great sense of humor but has trouble listening, as well as telling jokes.”
Want to learn even more? Join Dr. Sosne and us for our next session of ADHD: The Mind-Body Connection, October 22 – 23 here in Portland, OR. Registration is required and spots fill fast, so enroll today! CEUs are available.
Image by woodleywonderworks, via Flickr
Learning to lead and follow are important life skills. Learning to balance leading and following are essential in relationships. (Who hasn’t known a person who negatively affects relationships because of their need to always be in charge or someone so passive, they never take the lead?)
Thus, an essential part of our Yoga Calm classes is to encourage all students to take turns in leading the activities. After all, every student has a gift to share. One may be very good at storytelling; another has a song to share; others excel at drumming or leading the poses. So each student is given the opportunity to share it through leadership. As children find their place in the class, they begin to understand their own gifts and see how the gifts of others benefit the community.
Leading is also an excellent feedback mechanism for the students. When a student leads in a goofy way, the whole class reflects the silliness. For the leader to get the class under control, they must find their own strength and stillness. The class will mirror their inner state.
When leading, students learn to read the class and make decisions based on collective need rather than individual want. For instance, if a student says they want to hold Plank Pose for 100 beats of the drum and there are students in the class who can’t do this, the leader must adjust their needs and desires to those of the group – and make a responsible choice.
We sometimes allow students to make mistakes in leading – so long as they don’t put any students at risk – so they can see the outcome of their choices. For example, one day a boy who got up to lead the breathing exercise was acting very silly. The class got pretty wild, and he asked us how to get it back under control. We reminded him that he knew how to get it under control: he had to find his own strength and stillness, which he did, quickly pulling the class back together. It was a great lesson for him in seeing how the world responds to what we put out – a particularly important lesson for students with ADHD weaknesses!
As students learn to self-regulate and develop compassion for what it means to be a teacher, classroom management becomes easier. The students take more responsibility for “their” class, and they learn important life skills. Experience in leading and following also helps build strong community and promotes greater equality in class.
Our new DVD Kids Teach Yoga: Flying Eagle demonstrates this beautifully. In it, you will see how the process of leading, compliments and sharing individual gifts all come together into a deep and meaningful experience.
This week, we’re pleased to feature a guest post by Donna Freeman, yoga instructor, author and founder of Yogainmyschool.com.
With the new school year already underway for some and on the verge of beginning for others, Donna offers some terrific tips for making a positive return to school, which older kids can follow on their own and parents can teach to younger children.
The first day of school is an eventful day. Many children are excited, but there may also be some anxiety and nervousness. Here are some hints on how to avoid chaos and head back to school filled with confidence and enthusiasm. These 7 tips will help you start the school year positively and energetically. By setting yourself up for success emotionally, physically and intellectually, each day will offer new adventures and opportunities for learning and growth.
- Rehearse
Before the first day of school arrives, take the time to do four things. First, locate the bus stop and know what time your bus will pick you up and drop you off. Alternatively, trace your path if you walk or drive to school. Second, do a run-through of your morning routine. Know what time you have to get up and the tasks that need to be done to get out of the door on time. Third, visit the school in order to find your classroom and say hello to your teacher. Fourth, visualize your success. See yourself succeeding at school, developing good work habits, making new friends. - Be Prepared
Pack all your supplies into your backpack. Set out your clothes (maybe a favorite shirt, new shoes or special piece of jewellery) the night before. Have contact numbers for parents and a trusted family friend accessible. Tuck in some money for the cafeteria. Get enough sleep. - Create a Homework Plan
Designate a specific place at home where you will do homework. Make sure you have all the necessary supplies (pens, paper, ruler, glue, markers, etc.) at hand. Set personal homework rules and times such as “Homework is done before watching TV.” Make a homework plan and set goals for the coming year. - Share
Talk to someone about your fears. Your parents, teachers, siblings and friends are there to support you. Ask for help, even with the little things. That way they don’t become major obstacles preventing your growth and development. - Plan Meals
Good nutrition is important. Be sure to stock up on healthy options for breakfasts, lunches and snacks. Include fresh fruits and vegetables, fiber-rich grains, lean proteins, and a re-usable water bottle. - Try Your Best
Put your best foot forward and smile. Inhale and exhale slowly if you feel anxious. Say hello to the new kids. Be calm and positive knowing that within you are all the talents and resources needed to meet any challenge. Remember your sense of humor and that school is fun. - Reward Yourself
Plan a small incentive for the end of the first day. Maybe it is a play-date with your best friend or a special activity with the family. Change can be daunting and you’ve achieved another milestone, so reward yourself for a job well done and celebrate life’s special moments with those close to you.
Donna Freeman, founder of Yogainmyschool.com and author of Once Upon a Pose, believes in living life with an open heart and a upbeat attitude. She encourages all individuals to embrace lasting positive change and connect with who they are and their infinite potential.
Photo courtesy of Avalore
If there’s any silver lining to the ongoing obesity epidemic, it’s that we’re finally coming to understand that what we eat matters – not just how much we eat but the quality of our food. Over the past decade, the conversation about this has been getting louder and more faceted as books like Fast Food Nation, Food Politics and The Omnivore’s Dilemma – not to mention films like Super Size Me and Food, Inc. – have captured the public’s imagination. As a society, we’ve debated ideal diets, sustainability issues, food safety and food security. We’ve come to know about food deserts and the damage that highly processed, industrial food does not just to our bodies but to the earth itself.
Lately, there’s been an increasing amount of talk about improving school lunches to improve student health, as well as help instill healthier eating habits outside of school. This comes on the heels of various legislation to get sodas and other sugary drinks out of the schools (or voluntary withdrawals such as that being done by PepsiCo) and in anticipation of revisions to the Child Nutrition Act. Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! initiative includes improvement of school lunches as a key component in combating childhood obesity. Individual teachers are also bringing attention to the subject, such as “Mrs. Q,” who’s eating school lunch each day for a year, “just like the kids,” and blogging about it at Fed Up with Lunch: The School Lunch Project.
SpecialKRB/Flickr
Most prominent of the efforts to improve the quality of school lunches – some might say notorious – is, of course, Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution, which began airing on ABC TV a few weeks ago. This reality show documents Oliver’s attempt to help residents of Huntington, West Virginia – rated the “most unhealthy city in the United States” – commit themselves to better nutrition, starting with improving school lunches, replacing the ubiquitous chicken fingers, fries, pizza and sweetened, flavored milk with more nutritious, whole food-based meals. Many have lauded his efforts, glad for the attention he brings to the subject, while others have lambasted him for arrogance, short-sightedness and an inability to appreciate the vast number of forces that combine to make school lunches less than healthy but better than nothing.
It’s clear that, as with any highly complex problem, there’s no silver bullet here. Change will have to come from many fronts and address many diverse issues. Likewise, each of us who cares about kids will have to take individual action to help bring positive change into being. That said, considering how teachers and school staff are the adults who kids spend the most time with other than their parents or guardians, we are in a unique position to help spur that change not just in the cafeteria but in the classroom and at home.
Any number of Yoga Calm activities can be integrated with a health curriculum. Even just nurturing awareness about the body and how it works can help children become more sensitive to how what they eat affects them physically. But one activity can be especially helpful in guiding children to consider what they eat, and that’s the “Mindful Snack,” included in our book Yoga Calm for Children. For it, children help prepare a fancy way of eating a small snack and then reflect on the food before eating – what it’s like, where it comes from, how it got to be here and so on. Through this simple activity, we can nurture consciousness about eating, as well as community, the connections among us and the need for each other.
With all the attention being given to the food kids eat and the need to teach them how to make wise choices, we encourage you to try this activity with your own students or kids – and if you do, to share the results in the comments.
Late-breaking news: Just as we were getting ready to publish the above post, we got confirmation that Michelle Markesteyn Ratcliffe, PhD, Farm to School Program Manager for the Oregon Department of Agriculture’s Food Innovation Center, will be a featured speaker at our upcoming Children’s Wellness Conference.
In her work at the ODA, Dr. Ratcliffe directs a wide-range of initiatives that promote farm to school programs and enables schools to feature healthy, locally sourced products in their cafeterias, and provide students with food and garden-based learning opportunities. She has worked on a variety of agricultural operations, direct marketed agricultural products to individuals and institutions, taught youth and adults about agriculture, and advocated for farm to school policies. Dr Ratcliffe’s research areas include the influence of farm to school and school gardens on students’ knowledge, attitudes, and behaviors related to fruit and vegetable consumption.
The Children’s Wellness Conference will be held at Still Meadow Retreat Center on June 23-24 and features presentations, discussion panels and expert guest speakers on a variety of children’s health topics including Yoga Calm applications for ADHD, preschool, counseling, family work, physical/health education, occupational therapy, working with adults and therapeutics. A unique gathering of creative professionals, the Children’s Wellness Conference also gives you the opportunity to provide feedback and guidance in charting Yoga Calm’s development.
Registration is now open. Learn more.
One of the things that makes Valentine’s Day such a unique holiday is that it’s the only one that doesn’t commemorate an event or honor a person or the passage of time. It’s about a feeling: love.
hint of plum/Flickr
And it can be a little emotionally overwhelming, especially for kids, as they’re still learning about their feelings. As educators, parents, counselors, therapists or others who work with children, it’s important for us to both acknowledge kids’ emotions and teach them ways of handling them.
Here, I think back to what I wrote last year about an experience with one of my Yoga Calm groups – one that showed the stress that such an emotionally loaded day such as Valentine’s can have on kids and an activity we came up with for helping them manage that stress. Jim and I would like to share it with you again in hopes that it will inspire you to come up with your own activities for making this Valentine’s Day an opportunity for emotional learning and growth for the kids you work with.
And if it does, please share your story about it in the comments section!
- Lynea Gillen
Recently, a group of five fifth grade boys in one of my Yoga Calm groups said they had something “really important to talk with me about.” It had “something to do about” their feelings.
Over the course of the year, these boys had gradually opened up about all sorts of things in our groups, from bullying to troubles with parents and siblings. Sometimes they’d cry and, most endearingly, support each other when they cried – something very hard for boys this age to do when peer and social expectations are for them to be tough.
“What’s going on,” I asked them.
They replied that they were “really stressed.” When I asked why, they said, “It’s Valentine’s day.”
“Valentine’s day?” I responded with a bit of surprise.
“Yes, the girls are asking for cards, but we don’t know what to write!” explained one boy. “We don’t know how to do Valentines.”
Trying not to smile or laugh, I asked if some girls were easier to talk to than others, thinking a friendship lesson might be in order. But I knew that wasn’t where we were going as soon as one boy said, “The beautiful ones are harder to talk to.”
“And there are a lot of beautiful girls,” added another.
Maintaining my composure, I asked if I could ask the some girls from the afternoon Yoga Calm class if they had some Valentine’s advice for the boys. “No!” they said emphatically.
“What if it’s done anonymously?” They looked at each other, then gave the O.K.
My girls’ Yoga Calm group met later that day, and during the end-of-session relaxation, I asked if I could ask an important question – one they could answer only by listening to their hearts. I told them that there were some boys who really needed advice on Valentine’s Day. At first, the girls snickered but then gave their answers:
- Tell the girl how you really feel about her.
- Don’t ask her to be your Valentine if you don’t know her.
- Tell her she has nice hair and eyes – girls like to hear that.
- Don’t use a scrawny voice.
- Act formal – and do it where no one else can hear.
- Don’t ask in front of your friends, as this puts pressure on her.
- Ask her in person instead of a letter.
- Give a compliment or two, but don’t smother her with them.
- Don’t ask twice.
- Say “Be Mine” on the card.
Perhaps, this would be good advice for all, young and old!
Since the onset of the current economic crisis, much has been discussed and written about how its effects are not just financial but psychological, as well. And as a recent New York Times article reminds us, they affect children just as much as adults.
Children, especially, have become hidden casualties, often absorbing more than their parents are fully aware of. Several academic studies have linked parental job loss — especially that of fathers — to adverse impacts in areas like school performance and self-esteem.
* * *
A recent study at the University of California, Davis, found that children in families where the head of the household had lost a job were 15 percent more likely to repeat a grade. Ariel Kalil, a University of Chicago professor of public policy, and Kathleen M. Ziol-Guest, of the Institute for Children and Poverty in New York, found in an earlier study that adolescent children of low-income single mothers who endured unemployment had an increased chance of dropping out of school and showed declines in emotional well-being.
We are not born knowing how to deal with stress, especially the psychological kind. Rather, this is a skill we learn, most commonly by observing others. Thus, it is not surprising that children pick up on stress cues demonstrated by parents.
lanuiop/Flickr
As we discuss in Yoga Calm for Children, some stress, of course, can be positive – a kind of motivating factor. But if the stress goes on too long, the stage is set for physical illness. As Robert Sapolsky shows in his book Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, although stressors – even massive or chronic ones – don’t automatically lead to illness, they do increase the risk of disease. Health risks include compromised immune system function, inhibited growth and even death of brain cells in the hippocampus; osteoporosis; cardiovascular disease; neck, shoulder, and back pain; rheumatoid arthritis; asthma; depression; and diabetes.
In children, emotional and physical development may be impaired. And unhealthy ways of reacting to and interacting with the world may become entrenched. Some examples of such maladaptive behaviors and other coping devices are described in the Times article:
Paul Bachmuth’s 9-year-old daughter, Rebecca, began pulling out strands of her hair over the summer. His older child, Hannah, 12, has become noticeably angrier, more prone to throwing tantrums.
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When Rebecca began pulling her hair out in late summer in what was diagnosed as a stress-induced disorder, she insisted it was because she was bored. But her parents and her therapist — the same one seeing her parents — believed it was clearly related to the job situation.
The hair pulling has since stopped, but she continues to fidget with her brown locks.
The other day, she suddenly asked her mother whether she thought she would be able to find a “good job” when she grew up.
Hannah said her father’s unemployment had made it harder for her to focus on schoolwork. She also conceded she had been more easily annoyed with her parents and her sister.
At night, she said, she has taken to stowing her worries away in an imaginary box.
“I take all the stress and bad things that happen over the day, and I lock them in a box,” she said.
Then, she tries to sleep.
How stress affects an individual depends upon the person’s genetic makeup, experience with stress, and how he or she has learned to cope with it. Children under acute or chronic stress may exhibit any of a wide variety of symptoms, many of which are readily observable by parents, teachers, counselors, physicians, and others who regularly interact with children. Obviously, any symptoms of chronic stress should prompt inquiry and possible action to alleviate their causes. If left unattended, they can become impediments to learning, create additional challenges in classroom management and set the stage for long-term health problems.
However, no matter what the source, all children will benefit from learning how to handle their stress in positive, proactive ways – to become stress-hardy, as illustrated in the graphic below.
From its roots in a therapeutic context, Yoga Calm’s tools were developed to directly and comprehensively address the threats to children’s health by teaching lifelong stress management and social/emotional skills. The approach is effective with a wide range of children, and adults too – further expanding yoga’s definition of “union” – and is now playing a catalytic role in the continuing evolution of school-based yoga interventions.
Learn more at yogacalm.org.
For further reading:
- “Stress-Proofing Kids Through Yoga” (PDF), Natural Awakening, August 2008
- “Secrets of Healthy Kids” and related yoga activities, Natural Solutions, September 2009
