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It’s that time of year again. Despite nature’s call to slow down and hibernate, we tend to speed up and do more. Holiday commitments, family travels, the end of school terms and corporate years, shopping, family expectations and dynamics – it all adds up to a lot of extra stress!
Not that we’re unfamiliar with stress the rest of the year, right? It’s a regular component in our lives, holiday season or not. As a yoga teacher working with over 100 people a week, and as a small business owner, I’m in a unique position to see how we deal with stress, what strategies work and where the pitfalls are.
One of the things both Lynea and I have grown to appreciate is how vital it is that adults learn how to take care of stress so we can model appropriately for the young people in our lives. No list of fancy yoga poses, props or techniques really matter if the teacher isn’t grounded or connected to him- or herself.
For a complete understanding of stress and its effects, I highly recommend Robert Sapolsky’s book Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers. It’s accessible, even entertaining and, of course, extremely useful. Keys to reducing stress, writes Sapolsky, include
- Positive thinking.
- Social affiliation.
- Outlets through which to channel frustrations.
- Rest, quality sleep & nutritious food.
But one thing matters more than all these: creating a sense of control.
Change the way even a rat perceives its world and you dramatically alter the likelihood of its getting a disease. These ideas are no mere truisms. They are powerful, potentially liberating forces to be harnessed. As a physiologist who has studied stress for many years, I clearly see that the physiology of the system is often no more decisive than the psychology.
All five of these factors figure into some tips Lynea and I want to share with you to help you keep stress in check through this holiday season and beyond:
Just Say No!
It’s all too easy to over-commit ourselves, especially during the holidays! So why not make it easier on yourself – and others? Consider scheduling your work party earlier in December – or better yet, in January, when people can really appreciate the break. Ask friends to do the same, spreading out celebrations over a few months. School calendars make family commitments a bit tougher, but we know several families that gather at other times of the year, such as birthdays, graduations and special anniversaries. When all else fails, it really is okay to just say “no” for now and schedule something for later.
One Thing at a Time – Please!
Multitasking creates the illusion of productivity while compounding stress. Yet the demands of our 24/7 culture of e-connectivity easily generate the sense that we must always be “on” or available and make multitasking seem inevitable. One simple way to regain focus is to take control of your media gadgets. Why not devote time first thing each day – before checking voice mail and Facebook and email and texts – to work on important things? Set boundaries. Consider unplugging completely at least one day a week. Block off time for more “immersive” experiences in which you do one activity mindfully and with intent. This can really improve productivity and refresh the brain!
Sleep Better
The more plugged-in we are, the less quality sleep we get. Sleep researchers and groups like the National Sleep Foundation recommend turning off electronic media several hours before bedtime. We know of families where everyone has to turn off and leave their phones on the counter by a certain time each night, which reduces at least one distraction for teens doing their homework on a computer. And with the media you do use, be choosy! Don’t just consume what’s there because it’s there. Watch, read, listen to or interact with media that matters to you and, ideally, leaves you with positive feelings afterwards.
An Hour of Sleep Before Midnight…
You know the old maxim that gaining an hour of sleep before midnight is equal to gaining two hours after? It’s probably true. That extra 30 minutes or hour of late-night TV-watching we “treat ourselves” is the opportunity-cost of time the next morning when we exercise, read for enjoyment, work on a creative project or enjoy a good breakfast. So turn off the tube and turn on your life.
Set Expectations, Give Choices
With family budgets tight and media-fueled expectations high, responding to your kids’ wish lists can be tough. Why not try giving them a choice between gifts on their list? Or take the opportunity to teach budgeting: Tell them something like “Santa is on a budget this year,” and ask them to make a list of the things they can get with X dollars. This gives them a sense of control, maintains your role as parent and helps you avoid breaking the bank. Forming holiday budget agreements with ex-spouses can also help avert the “bidding wars” that can accompany divorce.
Establish Your Health Momentum – Now
The combination of inclement weather, seasonal demands and sugary holiday treats can wreak havoc on health. So this year, my New Year’s resolution was to get more exercise in the fall. Even just a 15 minute walk outside or indoor spin on my stationary bike has done wonders for my attitude, with the added blessing of good time to think about and process all else that’s going on. (And the best benefit? I can now eat those holiday sweets with impunity!) When the average American adult spends about two hours daily in front of the TV, is there really such excuse as “I don’t have time”?
What are some of the ways you manage the extra stress holidays can bring? Share your ideas in the comments!
Image by alancleaver_2000, via Flickr
As we mentioned last time, the line between “normal” and behavior that signals ADHD can seem fuzzy at times.
ADHD is marked by a weakness in the ability to sustain, shift or divide attention, coupled with a biologically-based weakness in the ability to control impulses. One aspect or the other – hyperactivity or attention – may be more pronounced, but in any case, the behaviors must significantly affect learning and social relationships and must show up in several areas (e.g., home, school, sports). If it occurs only in the classroom, for instance, it may not be ADHD but a sign of teacher-student mismatch, learning disability or other issue.
Yet even signaling behaviors can be misread. Sleep deprivation, anxiety, stress, diet, neurological conditions or even inadvertently reinforced behavior can all contribute to ADHD-like behaviors. Consequently, they must be ruled out before a definite diagnosis can be made.
In fact, as Dr. Jeff Sosne discusses in our course ADHD: The Mind-Body Connection, our home and school environments can actually set the stage for behavior that looks like ADHD but isn’t.
For instance, consider the demands for attention made on children in overly structured lives. There’s increased academic pressure and heavy homework loads, even at the K-5 level. There may be afterschool obligations such as sports, music, tutoring, church and service groups, or lessons of some sort. While such activities may be pursued for personal pleasure or enrichment, they’re just as often used to sweeten a youth’s “resume” for later schooling.
The resulting stress easily leads to distracted or “wild” behavior, as children find it harder and harder to conform to such demands.
Much can be accomplished through making sure the child eats right, gets enough exercise and adequate sleep, and has opportunities for unstructured play. We see a big reduction of symptoms when these basic human needs are met – whether the child actually has ADHD or not. Children become more able to learn practices that can help them improve their ability to focus, pay attention and self-regulate. These, in turn, support ongoing healthy habits, for through them, kids are nurtured into mindfulness, including awareness of their bodies and what their bodies are telling them.
Courtesy of Dr. Sosne, here are 9 tips for nurturing those skills – useful for all children, but especially for those diagnosed with ADHD:
- Attitude is everything! Emphasize a positive, “Can Do” attitude and internal motivators (e.g., “This is a good time to clean your room.”).
- Make eye contact during activities. Practice not responding to a child until they make eye contact, too! Some good games for practicing this skill: Red Light/Green Light, Steal the Bacon, 20 Questions.
- March toward a goal. Talk out loud about the process so the child can later internalize it. Announce a goal and timeframe for every activity.
- Start with small goals – things the child can do in 15 minutes. Observe and reward small changes. Don’t give too much time for an “ADHD child” to complete a task.
- To teach that things change, occasionally stop activities at random and reward the child for handling it well.
- Focus on accomplishments. Have the child write a note on what he or she accomplished in school today.
- Acknowledge their agenda and pair it with a request from you – e.g., “While I am getting you a sandwich, could you pick up that wet towel?” Getting something they want does not in itself promote a sense of entitlement.
- Build habits and routine. Build skills, not consequences.
- Don’t put too much emphasis on the label “ADHD.” It stereotypes and only points to weaknesses, not strengths. Redefine. Instead of saying, “Robert is ADHD,” say “Robert loves baseball and does better when in the middle of the action (i.e., infield),” or, “Jillian has a great sense of humor but has trouble listening, as well as telling jokes.”
Want to learn even more? Join Dr. Sosne and us for our next session of ADHD: The Mind-Body Connection, October 22 – 23 here in Portland, OR. Registration is required and spots fill fast, so enroll today! CEUs are available.
Image by woodleywonderworks, via Flickr
This week, we’re pleased to feature a guest post by Donna Freeman, yoga instructor, author and founder of Yogainmyschool.com.
With the new school year already underway for some and on the verge of beginning for others, Donna offers some terrific tips for making a positive return to school, which older kids can follow on their own and parents can teach to younger children.
The first day of school is an eventful day. Many children are excited, but there may also be some anxiety and nervousness. Here are some hints on how to avoid chaos and head back to school filled with confidence and enthusiasm. These 7 tips will help you start the school year positively and energetically. By setting yourself up for success emotionally, physically and intellectually, each day will offer new adventures and opportunities for learning and growth.
- Rehearse
Before the first day of school arrives, take the time to do four things. First, locate the bus stop and know what time your bus will pick you up and drop you off. Alternatively, trace your path if you walk or drive to school. Second, do a run-through of your morning routine. Know what time you have to get up and the tasks that need to be done to get out of the door on time. Third, visit the school in order to find your classroom and say hello to your teacher. Fourth, visualize your success. See yourself succeeding at school, developing good work habits, making new friends. - Be Prepared
Pack all your supplies into your backpack. Set out your clothes (maybe a favorite shirt, new shoes or special piece of jewellery) the night before. Have contact numbers for parents and a trusted family friend accessible. Tuck in some money for the cafeteria. Get enough sleep. - Create a Homework Plan
Designate a specific place at home where you will do homework. Make sure you have all the necessary supplies (pens, paper, ruler, glue, markers, etc.) at hand. Set personal homework rules and times such as “Homework is done before watching TV.” Make a homework plan and set goals for the coming year. - Share
Talk to someone about your fears. Your parents, teachers, siblings and friends are there to support you. Ask for help, even with the little things. That way they don’t become major obstacles preventing your growth and development. - Plan Meals
Good nutrition is important. Be sure to stock up on healthy options for breakfasts, lunches and snacks. Include fresh fruits and vegetables, fiber-rich grains, lean proteins, and a re-usable water bottle. - Try Your Best
Put your best foot forward and smile. Inhale and exhale slowly if you feel anxious. Say hello to the new kids. Be calm and positive knowing that within you are all the talents and resources needed to meet any challenge. Remember your sense of humor and that school is fun. - Reward Yourself
Plan a small incentive for the end of the first day. Maybe it is a play-date with your best friend or a special activity with the family. Change can be daunting and you’ve achieved another milestone, so reward yourself for a job well done and celebrate life’s special moments with those close to you.
Donna Freeman, founder of Yogainmyschool.com and author of Once Upon a Pose, believes in living life with an open heart and a upbeat attitude. She encourages all individuals to embrace lasting positive change and connect with who they are and their infinite potential.
Photo courtesy of Avalore
